Problems with dating a widower
They may see the new relationship as more of a part of the grieving process than anything else.The common advice for deciding when it appropriate to start dating a widow is to wait for their signals but with widowers you sometimes have to help them determine when is the right time.I want to be sure that I am getting my needs met and that I’m not just a “rebound” for him. Dear Karen, One thing I know about widowers, followed by two things I know about men.Widowers are QUICK to rebound, to a point of being unseemly.Becoming involved with anyone too quickly after they lose a partner to death can be very detrimental to the relationship.If the person has not adequately grieved for the partner and come to the realization on their own accord that they are ready to date, then the relationship is destined to fail because the widower is not ready to commit to another relationship.He’s a recent widower (wife died of cancer in June 2010.) We started dating just after Labor Day. We live about an hour and 1/2 apart and he has a very high level job and a big house to take care of (and a dog.) There has been no sex yet but lots of “foreplay.” He says he always waits to have sex until he’s more sure of the woman.
If you become involved in a relationship with a widower it is important to realize that you will often be called upon to help your partner work through his feelings about the loss of his wife, his relationship with you and anything else that might be troubling him.In most cases the widower is not doing this intentionally and may not even realize that his words are leading you to believe that he wants you to do things that remind him of his deceased wife.Occasional lapses where the widower reminisces about his previous wife is acceptable and should be expected but if these episodes dominate the relationship, then it is important to realize that there is something unhealthy going on and seek counseling for both of you.But this is the norm for widowers –for one of two reasons: either the marriage itself wasn’t that healthy and he was immediately ready to move on, OR, like men of a certain age, he put everything had into his marriage and nothing into any other relationships. As such, you are presumably the first woman he’s been with for many years.So when a woman survives her husband, she’s got a circle of friends from the neighborhood, from work, from her card game, from her book club, from her salsa classes. Regardless, he dictates the terms of the relationship based on HIS needs and schedule. To his credit, he’s taking things slow, to avoid diving into another serious relationship that he may end up regretting.